Big Stu's competition entry

My friend Big Stu entered a Daily Telegraph writing competition to win a trip to Germany to celebrate the 20th anniversary of the Berlin Wall coming down, here's his entry:


Day 1

Aye, well we pure went to berlin reet. I was in the summer, er geet june 2008 for some bit techno and that yee nar, whey anna bit of culture. We pure got a flight from London and it was aaaanly 28 bar retoorn. It was canny early but I was proper buzzin so I wernt tired or owt, aaanly puffs, Mackems and Smoggies get tired like. Went with 3 of me pals. It was class…….when we got there we did a bit of that tourist carry on…yee nar we saw that aaald wall and the massive blocky thing for da jews, pure seen that radge blokes bunker an’aal, ye nar that blokie with the tash and 1 baaaal. Yee naaah hitlaa the mental Jarman. Wasn’t much like, just a geet carpark. Also seen some more of them jerry buildings from da war and a big church, wasn’t as good as Durham Catherdal though, had nee ice cream. Had a bit wander roond the ald Commy bit and that was alreet. Bit trampy, reminded me of Byker.

Any road after that carry on i bought some cheap tabs for me Ma and we proceeded to get proper mortal on fancy cocktails, a Pina Colada like, whey I was on holiday man yee have to dee that once and I was with some southerners an they cannot drink fer toffee so didn’t want nee Berlin pilsner and they didn't have any Brooon. In the neet we tried to gan to this club. It was ment to be radge, bit like the Pig and Whistle doon the Bigg Market but on the top of a massive block of council flats, whey went geet early cos we herd the Jarmans divint like english (nee change there then eh). Whey what a massive hairy mission that was like. Had to pure convince him we were sweet and wouldn’t gan radge, after Lisa taaked him roond we got let in a belter. After we all had tee say where we were from an that, aaanly thing Herman didn’t ask was for me papers. I toold the gadgie 'howay, where de yers think I'm from, the Toon ya hedge,' and the dafty stepped te one side. Pure class. After that I just got spakkad on the roof in a rug and then went te kip



Stu won first prize.